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Virtue of the Week – Generosity

Being generous sounds easy and many times it is. We give away things we are finished with or don’t need. We give our time to a cause that we believe in. We help people who are our friends. But I note in the first sentence of this virtue card, the phrase “of value to us”. I think generosity has to go deeper, to giving things we aren’t finished with, things that could be hard for us to do without. We have to be able to give our time to people who aren’t necessarily our friends.

In these days of quarantine and isolation in order to prevent the spread of the COVID-19 virus, we perhaps have to be generous in different ways. We can be generous with our time by keeping in contact with others using the internet or our telephones. Those who are healthy and not at risk can go shopping for those who have to stay at home. We can be creative in the ways we can help others who are having a more difficult time than we are.

“Generosity is giving to others something that is of value to us. Generosity is a quality of spirit that calls us to share what we have. We also allow other to give to us. Every gift is double blessed, bringing joy to the giver and the receiver. Generosity helps us to give time and attention to the feelings, needs and views of those around us. It springs from a sense of abundance and gratitude for the limitless richness of life. We give cheerfully without expecting anything in return. We are receptive to blessings. Generosity encourages us to share the bounty.”

When I practice Generosity, I:

  • willingly share with others
  • give fully and freely
  • listen to others with openness and receptivity
  • take time each day to be grateful
  • am a cheerful giver
  • willingly receive all the bounties life offers.
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Kerrisdale Elementary School in the 1950s

Kerrisdale Elementary School, Vancouver, 2016.06.25

On the outside the school looks very much as I remember it. I started in September 1955 when I was five and a half years old, not turning six until December. I attended the school for six years.

Pupils were restricted to which entrances could be used. The girls went in on the right-hand side in the picture above and the boys went in on the left-hand side. We were supposed to go in from the backside of the school. Because Vancouver has a very wet climate, there were two very large open spaces in this basement floor, off which were the toilets and cloakrooms. We were expected to hang up our outdoor clothing in the cloakroom before going to our classroom.

On wet days, we used to play in the basement during recess, the boys on the boys’ side and the girls on the girls’ side. It would have been noisy when everyone was running around, playing games, or just talking with each other. But it was better than being outside and getting soaking wet.

Kerrisdale School always had a very large open area around it and I think it is still in tact. There was a treed area where one could climb trees or run around between them. There were sports fields for playing different games. There was an black-topped area with a hard surface where we could play hopscotch or skip rope. The outside area was at several different elevations so it was easy to find a place for the group one was in that was separate from other groups.

On the few winter days when there was enough snow, one could use a sled and slide down the long slope. However, a more important memory is riding my bike around the school grounds on summer evenings. The paved areas were a favorite and one could ride around the building many times with one’s friends. I only lived a few short blocks away, so the school grounds could also be used in our free time.

In second grade there were too few classrooms for what was needed, so we were housed in “portables”, where we had a hallway where we would hang up our coats and take off our wet boots.

In third grade my class was in the new addition (which was off to the left of the main building in the picture). The new addition had a gymnasium and a lunch room as well as new classrooms.

I lived close enough to the elementary school to go home for lunch every day. We had an hour for lunch and it was good to go home. In the winter months it was often soup and sandwiches. The exercise of going home for lunch was good for young bodies. If my mom was not going to be at home for lunch, I could usually go over to my girlfriend, Kerry’s house. Occasionally I had to take a lunch to school. I didn’t like those days as the time seemed to drag. When most kids went home for lunch, there were few kids at the school and not necessarily the ones that I was used to playing with.

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Virtue of the Week – Faithfulness

Faithfulness is not inherently difficult for me. However there can be situations which test our ability to stay strong and not give in, either to doing things the easy way or to giving in to bad temper.

I hope that I am strong enough to get through this week’s tests.

“Faithfulness is being loyal to our beliefs, remaining firm and steadfast regardless of what happens. When our faith is tested, we stay strong, and learn from the experience. We do our work with meticulous care and excellence, faithful to its true intent. With the people we love, we are abiding and trustworthy. They know we will not abandon them or violate the sacred trust between us. Faithfulness through the changes and tests of time is a sign of lasting love. Faithful friendship is one of life’s greatest treasures.”

When I practice Faithfulness, I:

  • am committed to my beliefs
  • seek the lessons in difficulties
  • give my work the care it deserves
  • stand by my friends and loved ones
  • have abiding relationships
  • cherish my friendships.
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Virtue of the Week – Commitment

Making a commitment to do something is like making a promise – once I have said I will do it, then I do it. It is important to think things through before making the commitment or promise. Making a commitment should not be done lightly or without thinking of the problems that could arise.

Because commitment includes caring, it can mean that how it is carried out might change along the way. For example, one promises to go on a trip with others and once the commitment (i.e. the tickets are bought) then one carries through, even if things do not go equally easy everyday. Being flexible along the way, using many of the virtues is all a part of commitment.

“Commitment is caring deeply about a person, a goal or a belief. Once we discern a direction, we go for it wholeheartedly. We don’t hold back, second-guess our decision or hesitate to act on it fully. We set goals and achieve them. We make promises and keep them. We go the extra mile. We are faithful to our relationships and don’t allow problems to make us waver. Keeping our commitments strengthens our inner integrity. It deepens our capacity to carry responsibility with grace.”

When I practice Commitment, I:

  • am discerning about my decisions
  • give 100% to whatever I do
  • am confident in my choices
  • keep my agreements
  • am loyal to those I care about
  • have the strength to go the distance.
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Memories

My daughter has just given me this book and asked me to write in it. My first response was that I had wanted to write some of my memories in this weblog. My second response was how interesting the questions in the book are, as they make one think about different aspects of the past.

I have decided to hand-write in the book periodically, but also to put some of my memories in this series of blogs.

I have often thought about writing down some of my memories. As I got older I would have liked to know more about my own parents’ lives . Unfortunately we lived far from each other and communication wan’t nearly as easy thirty years ago as it is today with the internet. I think this book will help me write down memories that are worth sharing with the younger generation.

One of the reasons that relating memories can be important is to show how things were done differently in the past. In addition, I grew up in a big city with lots of other children to play with while my children grew up out in the country with few playmates close by. My experiences are not their experiences. Relating some of my memories may help them understand how I came to be the person I am.

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Virtue of the Week – Truthfulness

Truthfulness is basic for our trust of others and for others to trust us. When we are not sure whether people are telling us the truth, we will have difficulties trusting them in anything. We find out about what is happening in the world through the media, often digital media today. There are many stories of “fake” news, where people are deliberately lying and creating untrue stories. This is not practicing truthfulness.

I remember when my son was six years old, I had first-grade distance learning for him, from the school system in British Columbia. One of the on-going lessons I remember was teaching the difference between fact and fiction. This is a distinction that has to be learned and I’m not sure how well many people have understood this difference.

Many of the stories that we read for relaxation are defined as fiction, in other words it is just a story made up by the author. The people do not really exist, though the stories are often trying to illustrate very human problems and types of people. However, facts are supposed to be truths, something that will be the same today as yesterday. Facts are often expressed using numbers, such as there are 24 hours in the day.

One of the things that I think we have to be more aware of is the difference between “truth” and “opinion”. For example, if I say it is a warm day, that is my opinion and others may or may not agree with me. Someone else may be wearing a toque or gloves, while I am happy in a t-shirt. On the other hand, if I say that the temperature is 13 degrees centigrade, then I am trying to give a measurable fact, and others can interpret whether they think it is warm or cool.

“Truth is the bedrock of integrity on which we build all our other virtues. It is an ongoing commitment to live by what is real, authentic and true for us. We make realistic decisions. We do not lie, cheat or deceive. We tell the truth kindly. Our words and actions are trustworthy. Our promise is our bond. We do not allow others to have undue influence on our perceptions. We investigate the truth with our own eyes. Truth tells us that we are not here to live another’s dream or to be all things to all people. We live by our own true nature.”

When I practice Truthfulness, I:

  • speak only the truth
  • have no need to impress or deceive others
  • use discernment to make good decisions
  • tell the truth with kindness and tact
  • investigate the truth for myself
  • know I am enough.
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The Boy Who Felt Too Much

Lorenz Wagner writes about a neuroscientist, Henry Markram and his son, Kai, who have contributed to a new understanding of what autism is. Henry Markram is currently involved in the Blue Brain Project which is trying to create a digital simulation of the human brain. One of the purposes of the project is to try to understand better how the brain functions so that we can better understand such conditions as autism. Kai has autism. Having a son who reacts to the world differently lead Henry Markram to want to understand better how the brain functions in such people.

In addition, Henry Markram, Tania Rinaldi and Kamila Markram have published an article about the results of some research, The Intense World Syndrome – An Alternative Hypothesis of Autism. To put their hypothesis in simple terms, some people react too much to the environment around them and this can make their life difficult.

“… excessive neuronal processing may render the world painfully intense when the neocortex is affected and even aversive when the amygdala is affected, leading to social and environmental withdrawal. Excessive neuronal learning is also hypothesized to rapidly lock down the individual into a small repertoire of secure behavioral routines that are obsessively repeated.”

Reading the book by Lorenz Wagner has given me a different understanding of autism and Asperger’s syndrome. I first read about Asperger’s syndrome because I was going to teach a pupil with this diagnosis. It was scary because everything on the list applied to me as well, even though I was a functioning adult with a job as a teacher. Today it is often referred to as being “on the spectrum” because every person who has autism or been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome is very different. Some have more severe reactions due to this neural processing, some have less severe reactions and many have learned how to cope with the way they have been put together.

One of the main things I have gotten out of reading Wagner’s book is a better empathy for those who have this ultra-sensitive reaction to the stimulus that we all receive in our daily lives. We are all built differently and we have to accept how others are, without wanting to change them. Though autism is considered a “disorder” (autism spectrum disorder or ASD), it is, in my opinion, just a different way of reacting to a world filled with a lot of action, sound and light stimulation. For some people, there is just too much to make life comfortable.

Everyone has their own way of coping with the stresses of the real world. Those who have been labeled as having autism also have to cope with the label they have been given.

I would recommend reading this book to anyone who has a family member who has autism or who comes into contact with those who have been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome. It may give some insights into how they see the world and why they are the way they are.

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Virtue of the Week – Modesty

I think for me the important part of the virtue of modesty is being comfortable with who I am. I appreciate all the things that I have accomplished in my life. I want to continue doing my crafts which I find very relaxing. I would like to acknowledge my virtuous husband who has contributed to the success I have made with my life. I am grateful for the people around me who support me in what I do. Thank you.

“Modesty is a sense of quiet confidence and self-respect, which allows us to enjoy our accomplishments without inflating our self-importance. We have no need to brag or attract attention. We know we are worthy just as we are. We have a sense of respectful privacy about our bodies. We have reasonable expectations of ourselves. We resist the drive to overdo. Modesty allows us to accept praise with gratitude. We have no need to raise ourselves above others. We share the glory. We are grateful for the gifts we have, and we honor the gifts that others have too.”

When I practice Modesty, I:

  • am comfortable being who I am
  • have no need to exaggerate my importance
  • treat my body with respect
  • refuse to overdo
  • share credit for success
  • am simply grateful for my accomplishments.
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First Day of School

I started school in September 1955 and attended Kerrisdale School, which was about a five minute walk from where I lived.

When looking back on memories we have, I often wonder how much has been influenced by what we have heard others say about the event, often afterwards. So the reader will just have to accept my memories as how I remember the event, and not actual fact.

My mother had been very determined that I should start school the year that I turned six, even though I was still only 5 1/2 when the school year started, as my birthday is in December. It wasn’t until several years later that I found out that many of the girls in my class, who also had birthdays in December, were actually one year older than me.

In 1955 the schools in Vancouver, BC, Canada, were coping with the large number of children born shortly after the end of the Second World War. I remember having three full classes in each grade all through elementary school. A full class had 40 pupils, five “columns” of desks (from front to back) and eight desks in each column. This lasted most of my 12 years at school.

Kerrisdale Elementary School, Vancouver, 2016.06.25

On the first day of school, there were too many children in the classroom I had been assigned to. There were 42 children and only 40 desks. I wouldn’t remember who it actually was, so I must have heard my mother say something about the situation. Two children were picked out to start a year later. The reason, I heard, was because they could not yet hold a pencil, so their mothers were told to teach them a few very basic skills so they could start a year later. How true this was, I have no way of knowing.

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Virtue of the Week – Appreciation

I appreciate the good life I have had with the same husband for over forty-two years. I appreciate my two children who are turning out to be good adults. I appreciate having a sister that I can communicate with on a regular basis. I appreciate the friends that I have and the joy that they give me. I appreciate the experiences I have had over my 70 years. It is important to be aware of what is good in one’s life, to be thankful for one’s blessings and to tell others how you appreciate them being a part of your life.

“Appreciation is seeing the good in life. It is recognizing the gifts that come our way and showing gratitude for them. When we express appreciation to others, we mirror the virtues we see in them. We perceive their positive intentions and honor them with our gratitude. Love thrives on appreciation. Intimacy grows deeper when we know we are seen and valued. As we do the spiritual work life calls us to do, it is important to appreciate our own efforts and to acknowledge our progress. We don’t dwell on the unpleasant things of life. We value the learning even in the painful times. Drinking deeply of the beauty and pleasures life offers, we don’t waste a single day.

The Practice of Appreciation means that I:

  • look for the good in life and in people
  • freely express gratitude and admiration
  • honor my own progress
  • value the gifts in my tests
  • don’t allow myself to stay down and disappointed
  • enjoy all that life has to offer
  • feel grateful for the bounty of my life.